Rat Side Story

So... I look out a side window one day as I have come in from the heat and pressure cleaning when I see what I first thought was a squirrel with a hairless tail. After a millisecond I realized what I saw and after a few moments of disbelief I went outside to find it. Of course it was nowhere in sight, but I told Marc about it and to be on the lookout. The next day I am headed to the side gate and the scurrying sound of a lizard on my left caught my attention. Those of us living in the area are used to seeing small lizards everywhere, so it's no big deal. But, right next to where this lizard came to stop was this furry little varmint, and man were we eyeballing each other!! It's nose and whiskers were twitching, and I swear its eyes were asking me not to harm it. Yeah, for a second I felt bad as I went to grab a board to knock the life out of it. If it were one rat, I may turn my back, but I know there's no such thing as one rat!!! I tried to smack that thing but couldn't get a clean shot, so it bolted from it's hiding place and zipped past me within a foot or 2 so fast I couldn't react. It went to Kevin's yard where I lost it. The next day I'm chasing a rat again, but this is NOT the same one I had seen previously (you see - - no such thing as 1 rat!!!). It was a monster!! More large house cat than rat!!! Reminded me of the dog-sized rat I saw in Chicago one night at 5am a long time ago! I chased it around trying to lay the smack down on it. The bastard climbed a tree and got onto the roof where I soon followed as I had the ladder out for the pressure washing. Couldn't find it on the roof, so as I was coming back down I noticed it in the tree doing the "I'm a branch" impression. I took a Mark McGuire (after steroids) swing and sent that "ratball" straight to the wall. I didn't know I was dealing with a terminator, because it bounced and hit the ground running, sounding like it was laughing as it vanished down the hill. I got off the roof but the beast was nowhere to be found. The rats definitely had the upper hand, but little did they know their fortunes were about to change. The next day Marc is on the same side of the house building a flower garden, and lifts up a railroad tie to use as a border. He pokes his head in the house telling me to come outside; he found "my" rat. Well, he really found the "condo" it had built and was living in. He also discovered a nest with 4, hairless, sightless newborn babies in it (going back to never 1 rat!!!!). Red carpenter ants started to get on them and bite, causing them to scream and wiggle. I wanted them gone, but didn't want them to suffer, so I put on gloves and removed them from the nest and now numerous ants, dipping them in water and pulling the ants off of them. Marc and I felt the most humane way to deal with this was to drown them, which I did. The ants would've slowly and painfully killed them if they were left there, the sun would've slowly killed them if I just tossed them in the field. Too bad I didn't know anyone with a python or similar snake because they would've made a nice snack. So, counting those babies we now knew there had been at least 6 rats in the area. The smaller one I first saw and then big daddy. Later in the day, I was leaning forward to plug in the paint sprayer in one of the outdoor receptacles, and down in this hole against the house and 2 boards I saw these beady eyes looking up at me. It was the rat from hell!!!!! I froze for a second, half not wanting to spook it and half not wanting it to fly up and grab my jugular with it's yellow nasty fangs. I looked around and there was no weapon narrow enough to stick down there to crush this designed-by-the-military monster. I thought about the Smith and Wesson in the house, but then I thought of ricochet at close range, and forever explaining how I lost my left pinkie or the big dent in my forehead. All that was nearby was the pressure cleaner. Hmmmmm... I cranked that beeyotch up and simultaneously stuck it down the hole and pulled the trigger. Not much happened.... at first.... and then it thrust itself up and halfway out of the hole!!!! It was strong like a Sherman Tank!! It looked dead at me, showed it's yellow teeth as it gave me a rat scream. If it could've freed up a paw I'm sure it would've flipped me off! The wand was against its abdomen with the washer stream point blank cutting into it. I pushed it back down into the hole with the wand of the pressure cleaner and put my shoe over most of the hole. A little blood was here and there, most of it from the rat. After what seemed like 10 minutes, I released the trigger and pulled out the wand. Looking into the hole, I couldn't see the rat! Did the damn thing dig out? Have a tunnel to escape through? I jammed a bunch of rocks in the hole to keep it from coming out if it were bale to survive this grisly attack. Marc said he smelled something "bad" in the area the next 2 days but it stopped after that. He asked if I was going to remove it (like how - - stick my hand down there to grab it?), but I figured the odor would keep other rats from moving in and ants would eventually "clean up". I told Kevin the story, and luckily he works for a pest control company and offered me a few traps, which I set in the area. It only took overnight to grab the next "contestant" in my own personal reality show, and I placed the body on a post on the back fence hoping the local Osprey's or Hawks would grab the meal. I think it was the first one I saw because it was smaller. So, I figured that was the end of it... 1 male and 1 female killed with their offspring... until the trap went off again and caught another rat the very next night. In the meantime, Marc found another nest in the same area as the first one with 3 babies in it. So, those 3 did the perpetual backstroke in the water pail and were disposed of. A couple of days later, I'm in the backyard and one goes scurrying down the fence line!!! Jefferson, Marc's pug starts chasing it back and forth just having a good 'ol time. He could've grabbed it on several occasions, but I think he just wanted the thrill of the chase. Well, I did my own chasing, but giving it several well placed whacks on the head and off it went to the back fence post where the other rat had already disappeared from (cat or bird is my guess). This one didn't make it overnight either, but this time ants cleaned off everything but the skeleton. One more death via rattrap a few days later, and there's a bonafide pet cemetery in the backyard now. After several days of "zero kills", we're high fiving and figuring another victory for humanity. But no... I go to move a plastic barrel in the yard used to store some pipes and gutter material, and I look at something looking at me!! But wait; there are another pair of eyes!!! And another!!!! And another!!!! I lost count after 6!!!!!!!!!! That was it! I started filling that barrel up with water as I removed the stored material. Eventually, rats were trying to make a break for it as the water level rose and hiding places disappeared. With a piece of PVC pipe I started playing my own version of the carnival and arcade game "Whack-A-Mole". As they tried to scamper out I thumped 'em good on the head. Eventually they were all dead of head trauma or drowning, but just to make sure I sealed the barrel and left it overnight. What a beautiful odor that came rising out of that barrel when it was opened the next day!!! NEVER have I ever dealt with a stink such as that. Marc and I carried the barrel to the retention pond where we dumped the contents. That was the last time we saw a rat... 18 rats in total!!!!! I had not seen a wild rat in Florida since I was about 5 or 6 when my Dad killed a couple that had gotten into our henhouse.