No Birds In Belgium

So I was back in Amsterdam several weeks - getting back into the flow of things. Taught a few workshops, spent a few days at the ACCESS office, and the brutal winter weather was actually losing it's grip and allowed a couple of 60 degree days in late March. Even the Dutch men and women were breaking out their white pants that they seem to love to wear as often as they can get away with! Seriously - sometimes it looks like the streets are full of ice cream vendors.

We plan a trip to Riems, France - the heart of Champagne country, over a long weekend, and friends Elena and Justina would join us. We had not visited the area, so we all looked forward to the 4 1/2 hour drive. We hit the usual traffic on our way out of Amsterdam and passing through Brussels, but otherwise the ride was uneventful. Our hotel was quite difficult to find, as the city is installing tram lines down the streets and so construction and detours are everywhere! TomTom was confused, stress was building in the car, and night was falling. The crisis was over when we managed to follow the alternate route that got us to our destination. The hotel was clean, comfortable, and convenient. We unloaded our bags and went out to the walking street that's 5 minutes from the hotel's location. We picked an Irish Pub and with the conditions outdoors being drizzly and chilly, decided we would get some rest and get a fresh start tomorrow assaulting the champagne houses and tours.

We had a nice breakfast at the hotel and hit the streets bright and early between 11 and high noon. This version of "bright and early" is not mine. If a champagne glass wasn't approaching the front of their heads and pillow was supporting the back of it. I had three semi-hibernating, auto-narcoleptic females in this party. An area map is acquired from the front desk staff, and the ladies design a "shock and awe" strategy where champagne will be consumed and the area depleted before Pierre even knows what hit him! I swear I saw them just walk by stacks of champagne and the sweet fluid somehow mysteriously evaporated from corked bottles!! We went to several champagne houses in the area, taking tours and doing some tasting. I enjoyed the first two, but when I discovered that each place makes their champagne pretty much the same way...yeah...I'm done.

The next day, we drove to where the Moet et Chandon and Dom Perignon houses are. Quite impressive as you would expect. We took the tours and drank the champagne, and had a leisurely morning of it. We left around France bound for Amsterdam around 2pm, driving through some beautiful countryside. It started out as a typical drive, with me behind the wheel and everyone else dozing. We were passing through Belgium when Elena eased out of her coma in the backseat. I'm passing someone on their left, checking the mirrors to make sure it is clear. There was no one visible in the far left lane as far as I could see. I get over and as I am even with the car I am passing I glance into my rearview and there is a car right on my bumper with what appears to be 2 "skinhead-looking" types in the car. I speed up even more to create space and move over, and they remain attached to my back bumper. Now you must know that this type of behavior really pisses me off. Usually, I try to stay cool, knowing that I don't benefit by losing my temper. And this time, I kind of compromised with myself. I just presented the bird using my left hand as I continued to drive and look straight ahead. The passing car went past and that was that...or so I thought. Perhaps 5 or 10 minutes later this SAME CAR was somehow behind me again! - Almost in the backseat with Elena who was witnessing all of this with me, and a still snoozing Justina. They stayed on my bumper for quite some time, and then moved to my left. I didn't acknowledge them, but then they started drifting into me, getting just inches away from us as we were traveling 120kph up the motorway. They would pull a little ahead and then drift back to be equal to us. I looked over, and the passenger was making a gesture and I had no idea what his deal was. They pulled a little ahead again, and the passenger was pointing to his shoulder. By now all the hibernating in the car came to a stop, and nerves were getting a little shaky. The car pulls directly in front of me and then this sign lights up in their back window indicating "Police". Cool - - Belgian cops. This should be interesting. We follow them off to the side of the motorway, and the passenger gets out and shows his finger to me and asks "What's this?" in an agitated voice. Of course I respond "Your finger". "What does this mean?", he almost yells. "You know what it means", I reply. Both Radhika and I explain my reaction to the dangerous driving by what we determined was a civilian driver. I told him I would not knowingly give the finger to a law enforcement official. We went back and forth for a minute or two. I was asked to take (my first ever!) an alcohol breath test. Took me 3 or 4 times to use enough force to get the thing to register. By now, the passenger had calmed down and was talking to me in normal tones. The driver of the car had been dealing with another car that was pulled to the side, and once that business was finished, he came over and started a rant that was much worse than the first. He said he would take the car and leave us on the side of the road. He wanted €300 on the spot, and the matter was not open for discussion. He was "the authority". Of course I had to fight a smirk because Cartman from Southpark came into my head - "You will respect muh author-i-tay!" I pretended to look into my wallet and said we didn't have €300 in cash. He said something about taking a card, but when Radhika handed him her Mastercard, he said he couldn't take that. So, he rants and raves some more, with us telling him that we had no way of knowing they were law enforcement, with him interrupting to remind us "There's no discussion." I was being advised to apologise and pay the €300, but after being told we had broken no laws by the one cop, but the other telling us it was against the law to show your middle finger or other disrespect, I felt it was a shakedown to a degree. The other part was the driver took my gesture very personally, and being a cop I got the vibe he believed he was due ultimate respect. We were told to follow them as they went back to their car. We drove south and ended up in a small town in the parking lot of a convenience store apparently near an ATM. Radhika got out to discuss the matter with them. I believe the passenger, who appeared older than the driver, spoke some sense in the driver, who seemed at times to be quite close to a meltdown. Anyway, the discussion went on for several minutes, with Radhika being shown in some official looking booklet where the law was stated that the finger is forbidden. The pow-wow eventually broke up, apparently on a promise that I/we won't use that gesture again. And you know, that seems like a wise idea. I know...there are doubters out there. But, I know that giving the finger has NEVER made any situation better. There's no point to it as far as I am considered. It's an emotional response that I don't need to make. So, that is my newest shift. Controlling the irritation I get sometimes when behind the wheel.

Of course the true end to the story above was the email I sent to the Belgian authorities. I made a promise to wait 3 days before I did anything regarding this episode - and I did. Three days and a couple of hours after, I relayed the story to the proper authorities, who followed up with several questions and now they are investigating the incident. My concern was the reckless behavior of the driver, where the effort was way over the top for the offense committed. Property damage, injury, or death could've resulted by his dangerous driving, and for what? Because there's a law on the books stating "No Birds In Belgium"!