Canary Island Remedy part 3

I got up at 7am with a slight headache and burning eyeballs (you remember/know that feeling!) and just laid there. About 8am my headache was gone and my eyeball fire was extinguished. So I got dressed and woke Radhika, as she had indicated she wanted to go with me. Yeah, that was a bundle of energy getting out of that bed! She did well, however, and we drove off to Telde which is near the airport and from there took a road that led to the middle of the island. We visited several places along the way, driving high into the mountains and into pine forests that reminded me of Florida. Small villages and scenery was enjoyed on yet another bright, sunny, blue-skied day!! Jamie had another tee time, this one for 2pm so we had to make sure we were back for him to take the car. Also, Elena, Radhika, and I were booked for massages at the place R had her aloe massage earlier in the week. I wanted a seaweed massage which is supposed to be good for the skin, but that "department" was closed on Sunday's, so I opted for a honey massage. Radhika and Elena went for the chocolate massage. My ideas of chocolate don't involve just washing it off the body when the massage was done. Seems like an awful waste to me. Even the honey wasn't my first choice, but after the seaweed wasn't available, they had one where they place hot stones on you (yeah - doesn't sound appealing) and one where you smell all of these oils during the massage. But I get ahead of myself. We visited these little places, and one destination that I plugged into the TomTom had us on a dirt road on the side of a mountain that allowed for very slow progress. R was nervous, and it didn't seem like the road was going to terminate at a breath-taking vista, as we were within 500 meters of the end and it didn't seem like there was going to be much more to see. So, I turned the car around and headed back down. We stopped in a small store, R had a cafe con leche and I had an ice cream bar. We figured at that point we should head back to give Jamie enough time to get to the golf course. Good thing too, because the traffic in Las Palmas was really bad. I pulled the car to the front of the hotel. Jamie and Elena were still on the beach. He grabbed his clubs and went off while we returned to the beach for an hour or so before our massage appointments at 4pm.

We spent an hour or so in the hydra-pool (or whatever it's called), sitting at various stations while water jets work their desired effects on your body underwater, or the several that poured gallons of water down onto you from a specifically designed spout from above. Then there's the cold water dip where neither of the girls made it into, the steam room, sauna room, and finally the room where you rub ice all over the surface of your now hot skin! Isn't this shit outlawed by the Geneva Convention, like waterboarding? Anyway, we sat in our robes with our towels, waiting for our masseuses. This short little muscular dude and nice looking, long curly-hired young woman walked by us several times. You don't have to guess too long who I was hoping for! If the dude came up to me I would've been really unhappy. But to my delight, the woman came up and asked who was getting what. When it was mentioned that I was getting the honey massage, she asked to to follow her. YES!!! Crisis averted!! We went into this room with a metal table like you have in your doctors office, even with the brown paper on it. Now I'm not a "massage expert", so I didn't know whether I'm supposed to keep my compression shorts on or off for a thing like a honey massage. Not wanting to end up looking like a fool or pervert, I just hopped up on the table, figuring she would tell me what I should do. She said nothing, so the rubbing commenced. First, she used this oil/rock mixture on me. Not the most pleasant experience one can have at a spa. Again, seemed like it belonged at Guantanamo or Abu Graib rather than a spa, but that's just my opinion. I was later told that it was salt, but it sure felt like rocks and pebbles to me! Glad my shorts were on at this point, because - - well - - I'll assume you know why. If I didn't like the course sand paper grit on my legs, back, stomach, chest, or arms, I would'nt appreciate it in any other more "sensitive" areas either! I was on my stomach first, and she rolled down my shorts enough where I could easily be confused with a plumber, if you get my drift (or is it draft?). Then she had me flip over, using what apparently is the universal signal to do so by whistling low to high, and she rolled down my shorts on the front side too! I'm thinking by now that this is usually down sans clothing, which is why they gave me a robe (duh? perhaps. Anyone feel free to set me straight on this) So after enduring what I knew to be an exfoliating procedure (hey! I know a little something about skin care!), I was sent off to another room to shower off the oil/rock mixture stuck to my body, walking bow-legged to keep the abrasion down to a minimum. I wanted to keep some of the flesh on the inside part of my thighs. After I did that, I waited. Beatrice came and got me after a while. Guess I was supposed to find my way back to the torture chamber, er, I mean massage room. I know what you're thinking too - - Beatrice!!!!? A girl can have that name and be nice looking. It is possible. So anyway, we're back in the room, it's darker, there are candles (electric ones - you know, the bulbs that "flicker" like a flame), plastic on the table, and Beatrice takes off her official-looking spa attire to reveal a spandex figure-hugging outfit underneath. HELLO!!! To quote my good friend, Chris Washington, DAMN! So I lay on my stomach, being careful not to slip off and end up on the floor as I am still very oily. This warm ooze hits my calves and feet. Finally something that feels good! She works her way up, and I finally catch the scent of honey, which is very nice. She whistles, I turn over, and it's a very relaxing and enjoyable experience. She finishes the massage, then covers me up completely in the plastic film and drapes warm towels over me. It's like I'm a twinkie in the wrapper or something sticky, like a bear claw. That was weird! She left the room, and I was like that for quite some time. I think I fell asleep. All I heard was the ticking of the clock above and behind me, and I think it lulled me to sleep. She came in, removed the towels, opened the wrapper, and then swung this arm over the table that had several nozzle heads on it that could be adjusted to spray in different directions. A forceful stream of warm water came out as she washed my front side off first. But, every so often I would hear a "beep" and the water temp would change to cool, and then another "beep" and it would change to cold, and then finally back to warm. This was a little shocking to the body. She whistled, I flipped, and soon I was rinsed off and out in the waiting area where Elena was already waiting. Radhika walked by with the short, muscular dude, and she was covered in chocolate, on her way to the wash room to have it removed. We took a picture of it before he rinsed her off. When done, we compare notes and I find out they had their behinds massaged! I felt cheated!! Radhika says it's because you're supposed to wear loose shorts so they can move them to the side or work underneath them. How was I supposed to know?! All-in-all, it was a good experience - over 2 hours of treatment for only 60 Euros. You can't get that in the US or Amsterdam from what I know. Elena indicated the chocolate treatment was a one-time deal for her, as she didn't like it as much as Radhika. We walked back to the hotel, and later that evening Radhika and I went back to The Laughing Pig, where the 4 of us ate the 2nd night of our stay, and Elena and Jamie ate at a nice Italian restaurant. We walked back to the hotel and just relaxed, knowing we were leaving the next day. Jamie and Elena tried to get some last minute sun Monday morning before checking out, and I took a bus to "Old Town" which is a section of Las Palmas that is exactly what the name implies, making some last minute pictures. Radhika seemed to get the most sun, with Jamie and I at about the same level of tanning. Elena, with her Russian ancestry and penchant for wearing a fleece jacket that covered her neck and arms on the beach got the least. Our flight ended up leaving around 3pm and we were back in our apartment by 11pm that night. Yet another fantastic place visited, another trip too short, another place we would like to revisit some day. They just keep adding up!!!