Bike Plight

Okay... I promise, I'm working on Italy. But in the meantime, a little humor.

We currently have 3 bikes. Radhika's bike from the US that I now ride because mine was stolen in May, a bike she bought from a co-worker that she now uses, and another one from a male co-worker who left Amsterdam for the UK. We were supposed to pay 65 Euros for that one, which I would ride. It came with 2 locks and a child seat (for when Vince visits). Well, several weeks before he departed, the owner dropped the keys to the bike locks down the elevator shaft at work! So we waited to pay until facilities could check the bottom of the shaft and retrieve the keys. Correct! They didn't find them. So, he's in the UK by now and I check into the cost of removing the locks. I let him know the 65 Euros has climbed to triple that amount due to lock removal and replacement! After our vacation (this was a multiple month affair!), he emailed saying for us to just take the bike, which was stored in the bike shed at the office. We got it into the back of the car and I carried it up the stairs to the apartment so I could work on it. I hack sawed one lock off, but the other two just laughed as I drew the saw over them. All the saw did was make them shiny, but didn't chew a molecule of metal off the locks! So, I'm looking into a bolt cutter, but it seems they don't carry them here (perhaps due to rampant bike theft?). So I can rent a small grinder at their version of "Lowe's". However, the 24-hour rental has been out over 10 days, and the guy at the store is thinking the renter is on a bike-stealing spree! In the meantime, I went to ride my bike late yesterday to pick up the IPOD at the Apple Store but the rear tire is flat and won't hold air, so I beat feet. When I return, I carry my bike up to the apartment and put it in the guest room with the other one I'm trying to cut the locks off of. It's raining the next morning, so Radhika takes the car into work. She notices that one of her new mittens that was in her coat pocket is missing, so I tell her, using her bike, I will ride the route she took home last night and look for it on my way to the "Dutch Lowe's" (called Praxis) for the replacement inner tube and tire for my bike. So, after the rain stops, I head out, riding slowly, checking out the ground, looking for the mitten. As I near her office, the chain snaps on her bike and deposits itself in the middle of the road that I was crossing. So, I'm "skateboarding" the bike the final 10 minutes to and past her office, as the Praxis is 2 minutes down from her building. I buy the stuff for the bikes, and walk and "skateboard" the bike all the way back to the apartment (maybe 2 miles) and carry it up to the guest room, where ALL 3 OF OUR BIKES are in different states of disassembly!! Three bikes and not ONE road-worthy!!! But that's NOT the "kicker" (good word to use and you'll see why in a second). The front of our building has maybe 6-8 concrete stairs that lead up to a small platform where the door to the inside is. The platform is not big enough to hold the bike while I open the door, which requires to hands, one to turn the key and one to pull the handle. So I parked the bike in front of the apartment, went up the stairs to open the door and turn on the light in the stairs. Well, some "hero" thought it was a prime moment to jump on this unattended bike and ride off. This Goober saw me walk it up to the building, not knowing it had no chain. All I saw as I turned was his legs whipping around on the pedals going nowhere as he lost his balance and fell. I got down there just in time to utter a few expletives and kick him square in his ass as he scrambled to his feet to flee!! I just needed that dude on the Spanish Channel who covers soccer games to holler "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL" to complete the nonsense that just occurred. And I didn't give him a push pass with my instep or the top of my foot; he got the full toe of my Reebok's. Made a thud sound like I imagine smacking a goat with a sheep would. I think my foot helped him up actually (in a very uncomfortable way) and I may have to throw out those sneakers due to contamination! He ran down the street, turned a corner and was gone. I stood there with a smile on my face. No one was there. No cars, no pedestrians. No one to share a laugh with. He could've been on World's Most Stupid Criminals. But, I'll know him if I see him again, for sure. Such fun in Amsterdam, right!!?