Man! Where do I begin and how? Moving to a different country certainly involves aspects of life you didn't imagine or think of before you made the move. And even if you did consider everything, it's nothing like the experience of it actually happening! So after almost 4 full months after arrival, let me try to convey everything up until now, using the overused movie title as an outline. Some things will be familiar from previous posts, others will be new. I think I am going to do this "shotgun" style, and just drop down what comes to mind instead of categorizing it (too formal!). Let's start with the weather here... I have to throw the "Ugly" tag on that, so far. After 4 months, during winter.... yeah, ugly's good! Yesterday I got pelted by tiny ice crystals as I rode the bike! What the hell?!?!?! It was either that or someone in front of me had a bad case of dandruff, because all of these little white specks were bouncing off my jacket and face as I rode down the street! But they were hard not "flaky", the way the TV commercials describe that scalp affliction. Five minutes later the sun was out. It drizzles a lot here, sprinkles, if you like. I haven't seen what I consider rain or downpour yet. Just cold, miserable, drizzle. There have been a few days of nice weather, and even some stretches of it. But overall, I have to say the weather sucks, it's "Ugly". Probably near the top on the list of adjustments we have to make going from Orlando to Amsterdam.
Language. While it's true that most Dutch speak English quite well, and that makes for an easier transition, what's overlooked are the areas that a language barrier still exists. Like food shopping. Reading pictures on containers trying to determine "Is it detergent? Is it fabric softener? Is it soup?" is like reading hieroglyphics in pyramids or ancient cave paintings!!! Now try to read the preparation instructions. Yeah, good luck with that! Cleaners that the owner of the apartment left for us.... what does the picture depict?!? Is that a floor being cleaned or a counter top? And there're 7 different bottles with similar pictures!!! Open it and smell it.... no clue there. This one is orange, but this one is yellow.... no clue there. This one squeezes out, this one pours.... no clue there!!!! Hey! On the stove... what does this little icon mean? Why does it look like the Monopoly dude with his top hat? What's this swirly icon for on the clothes dryer? Is that a profile of a pigeon and Pacman on the microwave? What the F&%$ do they do?!?!?!? Shit! How about going to the internet, phone, TV store and signing up for service. I'm getting what? I can call here but not there? How fast is my upstream and downstream? Excuse me? I have to pay 10 cents a minute when I call tech support or report an outage or problem with service? How do I set up my inbox? Oh, instructions are in the box and online. Get home, you guessed it... all in Dutch! We STILL don't have cable working after almost a month!!! Oh, I get 30 minutes phone tech support free? Great... until it cuts off in the middle of trying to get stuff to work!! Try navigating a website that's another language - - oh now there's some fun! I use an online translation site, and while it is very helpful, the translations are literal. For example, "You can expect within 3 days a message of us" is the translated message I received after sending a request to a store online. And this one is beautiful to me, because it's easy to know what is meant. But others leave me dumbfounded. Mild-mannered John is turning into raging lunatic John as frustration has smacked me down! I have learned that when I feel the urge to go down to the local UPC office where I signed up for service and start throwing people through the windows, it's time to take a break (perhaps this is why smoking pot is legal, folks need a way to mellow out). Obviously "Bad" and "Ugly" are fighting over which of them represent this aspect of our move here. I say let them share, coz it's bad AND ugly!!
Going to Luxembourg for 2 nights over the long weekend coming up. A 4 hour drive south, the TomTom telling us where to go, in a company car with gas paid for... any question this is "Good"?!!! Already been to a beautiful city in Belgium a few weeks back (2 1/2 hour drive), and making plans for Barcelona and the south of Spain, and Greece and Italy, with Prague fitting in over a long weekend too. We'll be driving to place so diverse but the distance is that between Orlando and Atlanta. Farther places will be flown. Our apartment kicks ass! It was a chore to go through all of the viewings and a little nervy navigating the negotiation, not wanting to make a mistake. But the owners of the apartment seem pretty cool, and are equally happy to have us in their old home as we are to be there. And they are right downstairs when needed as their business (a boat tour) is on the ground floor.
Municipal facilities has to get a "Bad", as there are few. You would think in a socialist country there would be more facilities such as these for the public, but you would be wrong! I have found zero, nada, zippo, in terms of tennis courts available to the public for just "walk up" usage. The basketball courts that I have seen, nary a one has nets on the rim! It looks as though, from my search up to this date, that one plays tennis only through a "club" where yearly dues are paid. Like I said, not too "social" for a socialist country!! In a book I am reading entitle "Dealing With The Dutch" (written by a Dutch professor), he states that even visits to a prostitute can be covered under state sponsored health care!! But no state sponsored tennis courts! That kind of "love" they don't support (get it?). Anyway, so I have found a place close by. It only has clay surface courts, but I don't care at this point... Johnnie needs court time!!! So, I have to look into how much that will cost. One item they offer online, couldn't read the Dutch but whatever it was cost 350 euros per year(about $500). I'll be playing tennis on a canal before I pay $500 to play at a "club" where rain will wash out games frequently, I suspect. If I manage to play once a week (highly unlikely) that will be $10 per session! No way, Jose (Hose-A, for the phonetically inquisitive).
Bad or ugly? You decide on this one. Let's say your internet or phone service is out. You normally place a call to the provider to inform them, right? Or, there's something on your bill that you don't understand, so you call to speak to billing about it. Well, sit down and soak this up. You are charged 10 euro cents a minute for these calls by the companies!!! Water, internet, cable.... I haven't encountered a company yet that doesn't levy this charge. I have asked them about the logic of charging me to call them to let them know their service is failing. Eh, not much of a reaction. I actually received an email from UPC requesting that I call as soon as possible when service is out so they can affect repair!!!! If I want to avoid charges, I can email them a message that they will get to....oh....I don't know.... some day. Son of a BEEEyotch!!! Insert any expletives you wish here...the more socially unacceptable, the better!
Look for more chapters to this movie coming later!
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