Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Oktoberfest!

Up fairly early to get a good start to our day of Oktoberfest. I ran a little late for breakfast because of the mirror in the bathroom. Yeah, you read that correctly. They had one of those magnifying mirrors attached to the wall in the bathroom. A light on it too. Normally, when I use my electric shaver I can be done pretty fast. It must've taken me 5 times as long as it usually does because of that damn mirror. Whiskers that I usually miss and ignore due to my failing eyesight look like steel cables or telephone poles coming out of these manhole-sized openings in my skin!!! No one over the age of INFANT should look at their skin so closely!!! Seriously!!! Like shaving with a electron microscope!! The surface of the moon is smoother then that disgusting sight I witnessed! But I couldn't look away. I had to keep shaving, looking for every little hair, even the whispy ones, to chop them down to size. If you ever check into a hotel and they have one of those cursed things in the bathroom, treat it like Medusa!! Don't look directly at it!! Just blindly throw a towel over it and go about your business!

I finally finished shaving and made it to breakfast. Afterward, we walked from the pension, going around Munich sightseeing for a little while before going to the grounds where Oktoberfest was taking place. Now, naive as I am about these matters, I thought Oktoberfest engulfed the entire region if not the country based on those fine, fact-filled Hollywood resources like “Beer Fest” and (was it?) “Stripes”. I’m sure I’ve seen others, but just like when I worked in Japan on a 2 week project and those Japanese engineers I worked with thought everyone on the streets and highways shot at each other like “Ah-nold”, Stallone, and Bruce Willis, I thought Oktoberfest was an all-encompassing event. It's not! It's confined to one area in the city. However, it IS the biggest carnival/fair atmosphere I have ever seen! Rides all over the place, and not the type at county fairs in the US that look like they may fly apart at any second killing all riders and several gawkers eating cotton candy back in Bug Tussle. These were first class, huge, brand new looking rides - - and too many to count! If I had to make a guess, I would say between 70 to 100, and that’s not including the beer tents or food concessions!!!

We tried to get in one tent, but it was packed and the guy near the door said “No”. So, standing in line we gradually made our way up to the front while mostly clean-smelling people wedged up against us. I came to find out that later in the day is when the clean-smelling people really get funky. And let's face it - - this is Oktoberfest, so it's easily 80% drunk, or on their way to drunk, dudes. Just what I want, drunk, stinky dudes all up in my space!! So, we left that line after a little loitering and walked around trying to decide which one to try next. After a few dead-ends, we had success. We didn’t get in a tent, but we did manage to find one open seat at a table. You have to be seated before they would allow you to order a beer. For some reason, they will not serve you if you don’t have a seat at one of the gazillion picnic tables. So a guy was kind enough to let one of us sit, place an order for 4 beers, and as soon as the beer was delivered and the server turned his back we bolted the scene with the 50 gallon glasses of golden liquid!! With nowhere to sit, we searched and found a place with ample standing room where the sun was shining and most passersby would say “cheers” and clink our glasses! Now, these are NOT your ordinary glasses!! They have gone through stress and crash tests that would make the automobile insurance industry envious. These glasses get slammed together with such force and gusto that half of the beer shoots out like Old Faithful and as it makes it’s way back down to Earth a good portion of the airborne nectar ends up back in the glass it came out of or in one of the 5 to 10 glasses that were smashed together in not-so-perfect unison.

As we were standing and drinking, waiting for some spots to open up so we could sit down, a very drunk Italian (it was Italian week) was being propped up by his friend about 10 feet from us. The dude was in really bad shape, just dead weight to his buddy who struggled to keep him upright. Soon, there were 2 guys trying to walk the guy out of the crowd, but he didn’t quite make it. He was eased down onto the concrete and I held my camera overhead to make a couple of pictures. I was there to document Oktoberfest, and this was pretty much part of it. Well, a woman who had been selling pretzels saw me and put her hand in front of the lens and said “No Photo!” in a very authoritative way. I got a little irritated, but I got the shot I wanted anyway so that evaporated into nothing. The “beer medics” came and began to tend to him as he lay on the ground. He “expelled” a keg-load of liquid and then proceeded to roll around in it. (Nice, huh?! Guess he wanted proof for his friends that he attended Oktoberfest.) I took another picture or 2 when one of the beer patrol dudes grabbed the front of the camera as I finished shooting, which immediately and impulsively caused me to tell him to get his damn hands off my camera. He did (surprisingly), and after a brief stare down we found a place for all of us to sit. Meanwhile, the drunk Italian was carted off on a stretcher, leaving behind what can only be described as a big "smear" on the pavement.

People at a table we were standing next to got up, so we swooped in. We ran over, quickly claimed the spots, and smiled at each other like potheads finding a bale that has washed up on shore. We sat, talked with the people at the table who were from Germany, Australia, and Peru, and ordered some food and more beer. We stayed until after 8pm, several hours after our schedule for dinner, but once you manage to park your ass in a seat, you’re loath to give it up! We walked around the rides and then took the metro back to our Pension so we could eat at a German restaurant in the vicinity. It was full but we found another smaller one not too far away so we ordered, ate, and said our goodbyes back at the hotel as our friends were leaving in the morning before we would get up for our trip to Venice.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Driving To Munich - Sept. 26th

Okay, here comes our vacation. Some names have been omitted or changed to protect the guilty.

We left Amsterdam around 1:15pm headed for Munich. The TomTom and Yahoo Maps indicated a 7-hour drive, but that’s not accounting for stops, construction, or speeds slower than 180kph. I see NO WAY to make that drive legally and safely in 7 hours under the best of conditions. One of R’s colleagues called her on the cell phone to warn us that he heard on the news that there were long backups out of Amsterdam, but by then we were already in Germany, so whatever was happening back there, we fortunately missed it! But Germany was saving their worst for us, as it seemed every 20 kilometers there was construction or some sort of delay. The worst was 70-100 kilometers north of Frankfort, where the traffic flow was at a stand still. In Frankfort the traffic slowed to a crawl. There were many other smaller spots, and the speed limits were jumping all over the place like jackrabbits! 120, 90, 70, 100, 90, 120, unlimited, 90, unlimited, 120 - - and that was within a 90 second stretch of highway!! Where’s that highly touted German engineering we hear so much about? I say engineer better construction zones so traffic isn’t delayed 90 minutes because you squeeze 4 lanes into 3 and those 3 lanes are so narrow you can scratch the itch on the passengers nose in the car next to you as you pass!

We made Munich in slightly less than 10 hours arriving at 11pm to our Pension. We were shown to our room and decided to recharge and attack the festivities tomorrow. R’s friend from work and husband had flown to Munich, arriving by mid-afternoon and called us when they got back to the same pension we were staying at. We were already in bed reading some material picked up from the front desk when they knocked on our door. Apparently I hadn’t shut or locked it because it swung open a few inches, so after peeking inside they came in. The quasi-hammered female visitor jumped on our bed between R and me (luckily I had pj's on), while the not-so-drunk male plopped into a chair. We heard about their fun day, about a group of 4 guys who said they were in the US Army and how their so-called leader was trashed and tried to pick fights with people and then said R’s friend from work was “hot”, a remark that was overheard by the drunk American soldier’s girlfriend, who proceeded to open a can of whoop ass on him! So, we all can rest easy that all of our foreign representatives in the military are doing us proud, especially since they have had trouble meeting their quotas and have reduced standards for entry into service! The drunks left, we crashed, getting rest for tomorrows chaos.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Bike Plight

Okay... I promise, I'm working on Italy. But in the meantime, a little humor.

We currently have 3 bikes. Radhika's bike from the US that I now ride because mine was stolen in May, a bike she bought from a co-worker that she now uses, and another one from a male co-worker who left Amsterdam for the UK. We were supposed to pay 65 Euros for that one, which I would ride. It came with 2 locks and a child seat (for when Vince visits). Well, several weeks before he departed, the owner dropped the keys to the bike locks down the elevator shaft at work! So we waited to pay until facilities could check the bottom of the shaft and retrieve the keys. Correct! They didn't find them. So, he's in the UK by now and I check into the cost of removing the locks. I let him know the 65 Euros has climbed to triple that amount due to lock removal and replacement! After our vacation (this was a multiple month affair!), he emailed saying for us to just take the bike, which was stored in the bike shed at the office. We got it into the back of the car and I carried it up the stairs to the apartment so I could work on it. I hack sawed one lock off, but the other two just laughed as I drew the saw over them. All the saw did was make them shiny, but didn't chew a molecule of metal off the locks! So, I'm looking into a bolt cutter, but it seems they don't carry them here (perhaps due to rampant bike theft?). So I can rent a small grinder at their version of "Lowe's". However, the 24-hour rental has been out over 10 days, and the guy at the store is thinking the renter is on a bike-stealing spree! In the meantime, I went to ride my bike late yesterday to pick up the IPOD at the Apple Store but the rear tire is flat and won't hold air, so I beat feet. When I return, I carry my bike up to the apartment and put it in the guest room with the other one I'm trying to cut the locks off of. It's raining the next morning, so Radhika takes the car into work. She notices that one of her new mittens that was in her coat pocket is missing, so I tell her, using her bike, I will ride the route she took home last night and look for it on my way to the "Dutch Lowe's" (called Praxis) for the replacement inner tube and tire for my bike. So, after the rain stops, I head out, riding slowly, checking out the ground, looking for the mitten. As I near her office, the chain snaps on her bike and deposits itself in the middle of the road that I was crossing. So, I'm "skateboarding" the bike the final 10 minutes to and past her office, as the Praxis is 2 minutes down from her building. I buy the stuff for the bikes, and walk and "skateboard" the bike all the way back to the apartment (maybe 2 miles) and carry it up to the guest room, where ALL 3 OF OUR BIKES are in different states of disassembly!! Three bikes and not ONE road-worthy!!! But that's NOT the "kicker" (good word to use and you'll see why in a second). The front of our building has maybe 6-8 concrete stairs that lead up to a small platform where the door to the inside is. The platform is not big enough to hold the bike while I open the door, which requires to hands, one to turn the key and one to pull the handle. So I parked the bike in front of the apartment, went up the stairs to open the door and turn on the light in the stairs. Well, some "hero" thought it was a prime moment to jump on this unattended bike and ride off. This Goober saw me walk it up to the building, not knowing it had no chain. All I saw as I turned was his legs whipping around on the pedals going nowhere as he lost his balance and fell. I got down there just in time to utter a few expletives and kick him square in his ass as he scrambled to his feet to flee!! I just needed that dude on the Spanish Channel who covers soccer games to holler "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL" to complete the nonsense that just occurred. And I didn't give him a push pass with my instep or the top of my foot; he got the full toe of my Reebok's. Made a thud sound like I imagine smacking a goat with a sheep would. I think my foot helped him up actually (in a very uncomfortable way) and I may have to throw out those sneakers due to contamination! He ran down the street, turned a corner and was gone. I stood there with a smile on my face. No one was there. No cars, no pedestrians. No one to share a laugh with. He could've been on World's Most Stupid Criminals. But, I'll know him if I see him again, for sure. Such fun in Amsterdam, right!!?

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Coming Down From The High Of Vacation

Man...back 36 hours from our 19 days away from Amsterdam and it's like it all was a dream! Now the nightmare of a global economic free fall with the US leading the way down, darkness until 8am, and earlier each afternoon as winter inches closer, getting caught in the chilly rain on a gray, overcast day, dodging a micro burst of wind followed by golf-ball sized hail that had the Dutch gape-mouthed, a ticket for parking in the same damn place we've been using for the last 8 months requiring a visit to the Parking Bureau where I fill out a form explaining the mistake they made, and the usual rigmarole of grocery shopping has made Italy as foggy as the inside of Sarah Palin's skull. Have I regaled you yet with the tale of the checkout procedure here? It's quite similar to the US procedure with 1 major exception. As the item is passed over the scanner, it slides down to the bottom of the platform. You bring your own bags to the store which I really like, but you have to bag your stuff quickly, always cut short to pay the cashier, and when that's over if you're lucky only half of your goodies remain to be collected. But, time and the cashier waits for no one, and the next persons stuff comes zipping down the platform, and as you're trying to protect your remaining items, the cashier slides a dividing board over to keep your stuff from mingling with the new stuff. But the next person and their icky purchases are dangerously close to you and yours, and time is running out! You have to toss your stuff in the bags "by any means necessary" and get to one of the round tables they have set up in the walkway so you can place your bag or bags down and start rearranging everything correctly for the walk or bike ride home. If you have glass bottles, frozen items, bread, it all becomes speed packing and you hope your bread doesn't get assaulted by the other food. I usually lose a few slices in the middle of the loaf. If you're buying eggs - - well - - you just think you're a bad ass, don't you? It doesn't seem like a very efficient system...needing 2 places to bag your groceries, but that's Dutch-style. And woe is you if all the tables are taken, you squeeze in with others, or you drop something. Unlike in the states where I hit Sam's once every 2 weeks or so, I prefer almost a "drive by" approach here where I get in and get out as soon as possible with no dilly-dallying and keep the items down to as few as possible. "We're out of peanut butter? - - yeah...next time...tomorrow maybe....gotta go!" Bim-Bam-Boom on gone!

I've got plenty of pictures to go through to add to the blog with stories to go along with them. Just trying to decide whether to include details or just "nutshell it". You know...went to Italy, it was gorgeous, the end! I'll get to that soon. If you have a preference, let me know. But don't cry to me if you don't "vote", and you wanted "short and sweet" but I'm requested to give up the funny (hopefully) stories and do so. That's how a goofy, Russia-watching soccer Mom becomes Vice President!